Hear Me Out

Hear me out - is my hope when I stumble into the conversation about the fact that I still make my kid’s beds, everyday. This conversation doesn't happen with any sort of regularity but over 17 years it has come up. The look, the pause, the vibe, it happens every time. Truthfully, no one has said ‘What a great mom thing to do’. Instead, I hear about how the boys should do that themselves. That I am spoiling them and not teaching responsibility. That especially, as a woman, I should not reinforce such gender roles and will no doubt be ruining things for their future partners. After all these years, I sort of marvel at the predictability of the conversation. It has made me more conscious of the knee jerk responses I have for some things.  

When I find myself in the conversation of bed making, I always try to point out that I do think responsibility is important. Even though Hawkeyes and Danger have not had to make their beds they have had age-appropriate responsibility throughout their lives. Mountain Man and I are firm believers in the value of hard work and that work is not only to be done when convenient or the feeling to do so arises. I had a girlfriend stay with us for a few days before she commented on an observation she had made. She said something along the lines of - I am surprised you pack the boy’s lunches. I had my daughter pack hers at a much younger age. However, we didn't live on a farm. She sure didn't get up before school to go and do barn chores, no matter the weather. I guess, there are a lot of different ways to teach a kid the same lesson. I think the boys have learned and continue to learn about responsibility. It just wasn't taught by the daily act of bed making.

For me, making beds is not about teaching responsibility. It is also not about gender roles and spoiled sons. Mountain Man is a great cook and does his share of cleaning. I split and stack wood and rarely back down from good old fashioned unskilled manual labour. We both play our parts in nurturing and disciplining the boys. Gender roles, for better or worse are not simply defined by the jobs that get done in a household. Gender roles are deeply rooted in our society. In our home we sometimes rebel against them. Other times we (emphasis - we) slip right into them without even noticing - heavy sigh. I do think gender roles and biases are something that will always be playing a part in our lives on this side of eternity. Who makes the bed in our home is not about gender roles. It is a choice I made a long time ago and not out of obligation or society’s dictation.

If you have made it this far, I assume you are ready to hear about the why behind my daily commitment to bed making. Over the years, at different times I have told the boys something like this:

Life is hard but here (your bed) is always ready and waiting for you. Every day I take a minute to pray for you and make this space for you. No matter what happens in life all you need to do is make it back here. This space is waiting for you. To give you rest from whatever it is that feels hard. From here, you get the opportunity to try again the next day. And if that doesn't go well, it's ok - this space will be ready for you again. 

On days when I have been a less than perfect mother, I am thankful to know that the made bed is waiting for them. That even when words don’t move well between us, when there is tension or frustration they know I was praying for them. I have also seen them take a few hard blows out in life and push through just to make it to their bed. In those moments, I lean on the prayers I have offered up every morning of their lives.

I am not sure where this idea came from, but I have stuck to it. The boys are older and sometimes they do make their beds. When that happens, I still go in, pat the pillows and pull at the blankets while I pray for them.  To me, it has felt like a practical way to express God’s love, grace and mercy. Every day it is there waiting for you. Some days you might not even notice but it is there. When you need it, you can count on it.

I believe this is what God wants his church to feel like. No matter what happens in life, every Sunday, it is there to welcome you. Give you rest, encouragement and hope for the week ahead. Some will come in and not notice but others will slip into the comfort of knowing God has prepared a place for them to feel loved, forgiven, and restored - over and over and over again.

J - the one Jesus Loves  

A Lenten Journey

Lent has come to an end and another journey has begun. Before too long I may forget the lessons I have learned over the last 40 days. I think it is best to sit down, reflect and record. This year I committed to making my first coffee of the day black. I start every day with two coffees and my addiction is deep. I did not consider giving up coffee but making my first one black – I could do that. In itself, not much of a sacrifice but defiantly a symbolic reminder of Jesus’ time in the desert and doing without. I also committed to having that coffee away from my phone or any distracting device. It was time to sit, pray and read from the Bible. Over the last 40 days this first coffee nourished my soul and gentle guided me along in my faith journey.  There is the saying - the good, the bad and the ugly. This reflects the ugly, the good and the sad of my Lenten journey.

Let’s get the ugly out of the way. There is no two ways around the fact that I am human and therefore not perfect. I know this and I don’t try to act like I am perfect. I don’t imagine anyone has accused me of being a perfectionist. However, like most people I am great at justifying my actions and attitudes. In this quite morning time the Lord kindly, gently and so lovingly reviled my ugly. For example, when I was disgruntled with my family because I didn’t want to be the one helping and serving. I wanted to be served. My thought life raged with the “Don’t I deserve to be treated like a Princess?” attitude. Imagine internal toddler tantrum. It was ugly but my black coffee did wonders for attitude correction There was also an ugly when I was reminded that some won’t join us at the United Church on a Sunday because women should not teach or preach at church. Being a woman who preaches, that stung. After that incident I was pretty sure during my first coffee Jesus would encourage my spirit to write letters, make phone calls, nothing short of lighting the world on fire to change their minds.  I was so surprised when the message to my heart about this was – I love you, don’t worry about it. Just speak to those that I put in front of you. The angry fire was quenched by a warm kind of love. When I put expectations that I had set on others to serve my needs without really regarding their needs, I saw the ugly. Both those examples and others lead me to the one and only place that can help me - the foot of the cross. It is there, at the foot of cross, that I leave these ugly things. In His loving mercy, Jesus takes them from me and sets me free to try again.

There was also the good. I am surround by beautiful landscapes. There had been moments during my morning coffee of pure silence. I feel like my home is placed on a little piece of heaven. I am thankful that God brought us to this town. I am greatly aware of the slow but steady growth of our local churches. Working on the preparations of the KENNY – Kids Encounter Near North Youth annual fundraiser I am overwhelmed by the community’s support and encouragement. The generosity and hard work are amazing things to witness. I have been privileged to share in difficult and intimate conversations with friends and family over the last 40 days. It is an honour to be invited into these spaces. Most of all, the good of my family. Mountain Man and I have cultivated and forged out a marriage that sustains and protects. We usually together for morning coffee. Sometimes we talk about the details of life, sometimes we talk about the big things of life and sometimes we just quietly take in life. It is a partnership worth more than gold.  And of course, our boys. I have never done anything good enough in my life to be worthy of being the mom of Hawkeyes and Danger and yet, in God’s loving grace He has entrusted them to me. I am grateful in ways that words can never express. I am also so thankful for every kid they bring into our lives. These messy teenagers are a gift form God. I am humbled by the blessings God has given to me. This Lenten journey brings me to the foot of cross. Here, at the foot of the cross, I offer unending praise for all the goodness Christ has given me.

As my Lenten journey moves into its final days, I see the crucifixion coming. I think about all the people who witnessed Jesus’ journey firsthand. Experiencing the teachings and miracles. The momentum building to a near frenzy state on Palm Sunday. The excitement, the energy…… the hope. And then the crucifixion. I imagine during the pseudo-trial, the carrying of the cross and even when the first nail was hit into place some of the people thought, “Now. God will stop this now.” As witnesses watched the story unfold, they must have been filled with disbelief.  How unbearably heartbreaking it must have been to see Jesus, the one they believed to be the Christ, die. How hopeless the next two days must have been. That is the sad of my Lenten journey.  The moments that are without hope. What a blessing that I live during a time in which I know how the story unfolds. I know Christ is raised from the dead. I know He offers us the Holy Spirit, and I know that He offers us eternity. His resurrection secures a hope that never fails and I am sad for those who do not know about this hope. Life will present us with incredibly hard times. When I am overwhelmed, confused, lost and discouraged I cling to the foot of the cross. I don’t know all the bits in between, but I know how the story ends. My prayer is that those who are sad can find their hope at the foot of cross.

J - the One Jesus Loves

Growth Part 2 of Part 2

The parable of the Shrewd Manager was a scripture that I went back to time and time again in 2025. Did you know is some translations it is called, The Parable of the Dishonest Manager? I was trying to understand why a cheater was being praised. First, I thought about it from a business angle. Owners offer discounts and specials to help stimulate growth all the time. What if all the people who were in debt, in the parable were just making minimum payments or no payments? Maybe the whole operation was stagnant. Although the manager was motivated by his personal needs, it probably was also a shrewd business move. I started thinking that the individuals who were relieved of some of their debt, probably in gratitude and with new hope, made greater efforts to pay off the remaining debt. This was a theory that made a little sense to me.

A few months later I was with some girlfriends from my college days. One of the girls was not awesome at money management. She only ever made minimum payments on her school loans. She had also changed her educational path a couple of times which resulted in some hefty debt. A few times over the years she actually just didn’t make any payments. Funny thing about student loans, they will just stick with you, they do not just go away. She tells me at this little get together that during COVID the government gave her some debt relief. She was so encouraged by this that she started to make bigger payments and created a plan to get it totally paid off. She was so happy to tell me it was finally going to be finished. I giggled. I told her she had affirmed a theory for me.

I also did a lot of self reflection on how I manage my finances. If my kids have a need or something “needs” done we always seem to find a way to make it happen. However, if I asked myself if I had money to give to the church I’d probably think I didn’t have enough to give away. Acknowledging that bothered me. In the past Mountain Man and I gave weekly to the church without much thought. It was just what we did but some how it wasn’t what we were still doing. One morning during coffee and a good conversation we decided to commit to regular giving again.

Almost instantly I could see and feel small but positive changes. It was encouraging and if I am being honest, it was fun. One story I will share happened in December. Mountain Man came into our room rummaging through the stash of Christmas gifts in the closet. He explained that Amazon sent him a notice that one of the gifts had been returned and that we would receive a refund. He was happy to find the item, he had no intention of returning it. Our assumption was this was some sort of new scam. Our thought was you click on the email or the link and it confirms your credit card number and then WHAM they make charges to the credit card. A few days later we get another email about another item returned and refund pending. We ignored it, we were not going to fall for the scam. When Danger and Hawkeyes heard us talking about this they kind of laughed us. They were like, “mom, scammers don’t give you money back” I told them we hadn’t actually got money back…..because it is a scam. That Sunday morning five more refund notices. I felt a little panicky, they were really trying to get us. Mountain Man said this had gone on too long and he was going to call Amazon. I took a look at the credit card, seven refunds were processed. I broke a sweat….oh no they have our credit card number. Again, the children pointed out the obvious piece. They gave us a refund; they were not adding charges. I went to church and Mountain Man made some calls. The end of the story is this, Amazon apologized for causing us stress and thanked us for our honesty. It was an error on their end. We could keep the items and the refunds….and they were very sorry.  I couldn’t make this stuff up.

Maybe the words I should focus on are the ones that are easier for me to understand. “Whoever is faithful in a very little is also in much……. You can not serve God and wealth” In my little ways I can be faithful. I do this in trust of the one I serve.

J – The One Jesus Loves