A Lenten Journey

Lent has come to an end and another journey has begun. Before too long I may forget the lessons I have learned over the last 40 days. I think it is best to sit down, reflect and record. This year I committed to making my first coffee of the day black. I start every day with two coffees and my addiction is deep. I did not consider giving up coffee but making my first one black – I could do that. In itself, not much of a sacrifice but defiantly a symbolic reminder of Jesus’ time in the desert and doing without. I also committed to having that coffee away from my phone or any distracting device. It was time to sit, pray and read from the Bible. Over the last 40 days this first coffee nourished my soul and gentle guided me along in my faith journey.  There is the saying - the good, the bad and the ugly. This reflects the ugly, the good and the sad of my Lenten journey.

Let’s get the ugly out of the way. There is no two ways around the fact that I am human and therefore not perfect. I know this and I don’t try to act like I am perfect. I don’t imagine anyone has accused me of being a perfectionist. However, like most people I am great at justifying my actions and attitudes. In this quite morning time the Lord kindly, gently and so lovingly reviled my ugly. For example, when I was disgruntled with my family because I didn’t want to be the one helping and serving. I wanted to be served. My thought life raged with the “Don’t I deserve to be treated like a Princess?” attitude. Imagine internal toddler tantrum. It was ugly but my black coffee did wonders for attitude correction There was also an ugly when I was reminded that some won’t join us at the United Church on a Sunday because women should not teach or preach at church. Being a woman who preaches, that stung. After that incident I was pretty sure during my first coffee Jesus would encourage my spirit to write letters, make phone calls, nothing short of lighting the world on fire to change their minds.  I was so surprised when the message to my heart about this was – I love you, don’t worry about it. Just speak to those that I put in front of you. The angry fire was quenched by a warm kind of love. When I put expectations that I had set on others to serve my needs without really regarding their needs, I saw the ugly. Both those examples and others lead me to the one and only place that can help me - the foot of the cross. It is there, at the foot of cross, that I leave these ugly things. In His loving mercy, Jesus takes them from me and sets me free to try again.

There was also the good. I am surround by beautiful landscapes. There had been moments during my morning coffee of pure silence. I feel like my home is placed on a little piece of heaven. I am thankful that God brought us to this town. I am greatly aware of the slow but steady growth of our local churches. Working on the preparations of the KENNY – Kids Encounter Near North Youth annual fundraiser I am overwhelmed by the community’s support and encouragement. The generosity and hard work are amazing things to witness. I have been privileged to share in difficult and intimate conversations with friends and family over the last 40 days. It is an honour to be invited into these spaces. Most of all, the good of my family. Mountain Man and I have cultivated and forged out a marriage that sustains and protects. We usually together for morning coffee. Sometimes we talk about the details of life, sometimes we talk about the big things of life and sometimes we just quietly take in life. It is a partnership worth more than gold.  And of course, our boys. I have never done anything good enough in my life to be worthy of being the mom of Hawkeyes and Danger and yet, in God’s loving grace He has entrusted them to me. I am grateful in ways that words can never express. I am also so thankful for every kid they bring into our lives. These messy teenagers are a gift form God. I am humbled by the blessings God has given to me. This Lenten journey brings me to the foot of cross. Here, at the foot of the cross, I offer unending praise for all the goodness Christ has given me.

As my Lenten journey moves into its final days, I see the crucifixion coming. I think about all the people who witnessed Jesus’ journey firsthand. Experiencing the teachings and miracles. The momentum building to a near frenzy state on Palm Sunday. The excitement, the energy…… the hope. And then the crucifixion. I imagine during the pseudo-trial, the carrying of the cross and even when the first nail was hit into place some of the people thought, “Now. God will stop this now.” As witnesses watched the story unfold, they must have been filled with disbelief.  How unbearably heartbreaking it must have been to see Jesus, the one they believed to be the Christ, die. How hopeless the next two days must have been. That is the sad of my Lenten journey.  The moments that are without hope. What a blessing that I live during a time in which I know how the story unfolds. I know Christ is raised from the dead. I know He offers us the Holy Spirit, and I know that He offers us eternity. His resurrection secures a hope that never fails and I am sad for those who do not know about this hope. Life will present us with incredibly hard times. When I am overwhelmed, confused, lost and discouraged I cling to the foot of the cross. I don’t know all the bits in between, but I know how the story ends. My prayer is that those who are sad can find their hope at the foot of cross.

J - the One Jesus Loves